A page of a diary


Monday 2nd February 2009
It was one of those dark frosty February mornings when I just wanted to shut off the alarm clock and pull the covers back over my head. I reluctantly got out of bed and showered and dressed, I scoured my underwear drawer for my most suitable winter socks, which turned out to be brightly striped knee high woollen monstrosities with individual toes (they took about 20 minutes to put on). I paired them with my comfy black boots, then pants and two t-shirts, a cardigan, scarf and a coat, my Nan would have been proud of my layered approach to the winter weather however it restricted my movements to slight actions, I prayed my knickers would not find their way up my arse as was usual procedure for my unruly underwear when they were most needed to behave.
I had started to thaw out, the windows were clearing and the heaters had eventually kicked in. From my mummified position in the driver’s seat I looked beyond the stationary traffic with its angry brake lights and cloudy exhaust fumes to the mountains on the horizon, there was not a cloud in the sky and the bright winter sun ricocheted off the jagged landscape illuminating the valleys below. In all its efforts the sun gave an impression of summer warmth, but I knew that if I wound down my partially frosted window the reality of winter would instantly bite my face and chill the warmed air around me, I guess appearances can be deceptive. I thought of Carl then with his self portrayed warmth and promising smiles of good things and bright sunny days ahead, but then he wound down the window and reality bit, hard!
Yes the sun was smiling but there was still a chill in my heart and as I glanced across to the mountains in the distance every peak and point illuminated in the blinding sunshine, I realised things had never looked clearer.
It was crystal clear, he was completely full of shit, devoid of being able to express one honest true emotion. I had fallen for a lie, a fraud I was undeniably stupid and incredibly foolish, even more so that if he returned I would no doubt consume more shit and dismiss what I know to be true. I guess out of all of this craziness its my optimism and hopefulness that is accountable for my many downfalls, always believing the best in people and even when they turn out to be twisted arseholes! Always being hopeful they can change, but they never do, they don’t need to, not when there are needy idiots like me on the loose chasing after them screaming “use me, abuse me” whilst dancing out of my clothes!

Maybe its time for me to change, new attitude and fresh tactics, maybe I should become more like them, then again perhaps I am not damaged enough, at least not yet.
Things are going to change though, its not through choice but necessity my survival depends on it, I think I will start with new shoes, the new improved me should unquestionably be taller.

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Crash course

Monday night!
It was a dark rainy December night and I was on the motorway in my trusty VW Golf, I was waiting for the rain to let up but it just got heavier and my window wipers couldn’t get rid of it quick enough, the spray from the road was ridiculous as there were lorries in front and to the side of me and I had zero visibility. I took the decision to come off at the next exit only I couldn’t make out the road markings, so I made a judgement call. I felt the first bang (that one hurt) a second and then repeated bangs and noises as my air bags exploded into action and my car was filled with a bright light and my Golf rolled three times up the slip road. I thought I was dead, seriously I thought this is as far as I go, but it wasn’t, the car finally came to a stop resting on its roof. Inside the car I didn’t know where about I had landed so I un clipped my seatbelt and fell onto my knees, my back hurt a lot but I was more concerned about what kind of danger I might still be in, where was my car positioned? Could it explode with me in it? Had I hit another car? I kicked out the driver side window and with an elbow out at a time I crawled, dragged myself from the wreckage of my car. It was still throwing it down with rain, I managed to stand and as I looked over my up turned car the entire motorway had stopped and it was my fault. I thought “oh shit, I’ve really done it now” nobody else was involved, some amazing people stopped and the emergency services were called. I was breathalised (i passed!) the firefighters turned up with bolt cutters to cut me out of my car and were shocked to find me at the side of the road! Finally I was taken away in an ambulance screaming for pain killers for my back, id never known pain like it. At the hospital my family were called and my best friend and I was told I had broke my back! I had smashed my L3 vertebrae to rubble. I couldn’t walk, sit up, use the bathroom! I was just lay flat on a bed in hospital. I was told I might walk again in 6 months with crutches and that I would be put in a back brace and given strong painkillers. I was told that I would be in hospital for weeks and to forget Christmas (it was 17th December), I had other plans. I asked if there was anything else that could be done other than the back brace and was told that a hospital 30 ish miles away in Liverpool called “The Walton Centre” specialised in spine and brain operations and that they could potentially fix me but you had to fit a certain profile.
I was analysed and my details were sent to Walton and after some discussion I was taken to Walton hospital to see if they could do anything with me. I wanted my life back so desperately, my boring accountants job, my dogs, my home I had to get it all back plus everyone was so worried I needed to get better for them too.
Tuesday Night!
I arrived at Walton and begged the surgeons to fix me and they said they could, I would have a 5 hour operation and they would pin my L2 to L4 vertebrae together while my L3 bits would be taken out and replaced with something to make the bone grow back.
Thursday Night!
I woke up from my operation and was told it had been successful.
I had been pinned back together by amazing surgeons.
Friday Morning!
I woke up and with some help I was pulled to my feet and able to stand and then slowly and with so much pain I took tiny steps around my bed, an hour later I was walking round the hospital much to the belief of everyone. I remember lying in the hospital bed after the operation, with my life and options back in front of me, I promised myself I would come back strong and live my life well! I put my ear phones in my I phone and played Foo Fighters Walk as I took painful steps to getting better and stronger.
Monday Night! (Christmas Eve)
I was taken home, I could walk and I already knew that this accident was the best and worst thing that I had experienced. It had changed my outlook on everything. Within two weeks I bought another Golf ( I was told that my Golf was the reason I probably survived my crash so I bought another one) and I was back in work 6 weeks after that ( I had to beg to get signed back sooner as I was meant to be off for 12 weeks!). I have a perfect scar down my spine, it beats any tattoo and when I get stressed at work I feel that scar and count myself lucky! I am totally back to normal now apart from I can not run, the impact is too much for my spine, I loved running that’s how I used to stay in shape, but hey I can walk so….. So I have my life back and it’s actually better, I have a new job, new car, better outlook, I had been going through some issues which sort of resolved themselves with my crash. I wanted to share this as I found that in the worst situation you can make the best of it, I took it as a challenge to get my life back and with amazing support and fantastic surgeons I did. I am grateful for my family and friends, the surgeons, people who helped at the scene of the crash, grateful for another chance to live my life and for the lesson I learned. Take care on the roads people.




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Chunky Monkey

Well if you have read my previous blog you will know my feelings towards the chunky heel, however I feel I must proclaim my fondness for chunky knit, oh yeah it’s not yet winter and my wardrobe is already heaving with chunky knit Jumpers, cardi’s, skirts the full hit! Primark are leading the way people, seriously great colours, motifs and styles a plenty! Go get ready for winter ⛄ without crippling your bank balance! Don’t get me wrong I love a bit of designer luxury, but when Primark get it right they really hit the mark and its too good to pass up out of retail snobbery! Wrap up warm people, you know I’m all about wrapping 😆

Body wraps available here……. 👍

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How to wrap your stomach


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Moaning Boot

Well autumn is upon us, the leaves 🍂 have fallen and the heating is on! Stepping out of the door for work last week, I felt the chilly morning air creep up the legs of my trousers and made a mental note to update my winter wardrobe. So off I went to buy the usual office wear that I can look professional and yet feel warm in. A question, what is going on with the chunky heels? In every shop I went to all of the black ankle boots were either flat (not an option, my pants will drag through the puddles in the car park, thus creating a tie dye effect!) or thick chunky platform heels! Now I am aware that fashion changes and I am quite prepared to make it work, but chunky platform heels just make me think 70’s disco! I couldn’t find a slim heel 👠 anywhere, I am now deduced to trawling online to find a suitable heel! Despite the fact I don’t like the look of a tower block heel, they also feel heavy, clumpy and I look like bambi on ice!! 😩

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When You Don’t Know What to Say

Love this!

Abby Has Issues

“The friend that holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away.” –Barbara Kingsolver

This quote has always spoken to me, and I was reminded of it recently when a friend going through a rough time said I “always know the right thing to say.”

I laughed to myself, as that sounded ridiculous to me. While I might be good at offering a perspective I fail to absorb in my own daily life—denial is truly a gift, my friends—most of the time I just ramble and hope that something might stick, that I might be able to help ease just a smidgen of pain.

My problem is that I’m a “fixer.”

Unfortunately, there seems to be a string of pretty crappy things happening lately that proves we all have “something” that we’re dealing with that’s out of our control.


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50 Shades Film!

So we finally have our Christian Grey, and lets face it, mixed reviews to say the least! My personal choice would of been Ian Somerhalder (The Vampire Diaries) or Channing Tattum (Magic Mike) but Charlie Hunnam just came out of nowhere didn’t he? (Shame on me!)
So as disappointed as I am not to see my top two in the much sort after role of CG I’m intrigued to see how CH actually portrays the most famous dominator since dominoes!
I picked up 50 shades before the hype and had no idea what I had purchased (promise!) and I remember covering my face in shame while devouring every page! Since then it seems like mummy porn has taken the place of vampire love stories in the book isle at the supermarket! I can’t say I’m pleased by this, authors seem to be copy writing in fad mode and its getting a bit predictable and familiar. I will take the fifty shades film and Vampire Diaries but as for the rest I’m fifty shades of bored! I’m so glad that I’m unaffected by commercial marketing! Hmmm 😳

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Amazing result after three wraps!

Amazing result after three wraps!

Want to try this yourself??
http://www.definedivine.co.uk for more info and products
(tattoo not included!)

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On the Lash!?

So the UK is seriously in the middle of a Lash epidemic! My friends, enemies, cousins and colleagues are all wearing fake eyelashes, as are the girls on tv and magazine covers, they are everywhere for gods sake i have even seen cars with them???!!!

But I don’t wear them, not even tried them, however I might just be considering a trip to the land of lash…….

The issue I have is with the super sized crazy lashes that look like a peacock was de-feathered to enable its creation, I get it when they are worn in a music video or on the catwalk but when you see a scruffy bun, track suit and a pram behind the lash of craziness, well it just scares me! I’m all for freedom of expression, and looking good and making the effort, but………. I don’t see the point in wearing a track suit, trainers and sporting dirty hair but thinking that as you have funky lashes that you look good and have dressed up!

Also, they don’t look comfortable (mind you neither do heels but I still bloody wear em!) I’m all for eyeliner defining the eye (defining is my job lol!) I love that look but when you can’t open your eyes for the weight of a winged creature attached to your eyelid, well its just not a fun look!

I guess the jury is out on this until I try them for myself, I cant sit here and knock a product without it trying it I guess.

So who recommends what lashes, give me brands to try???? Also any tips will be welcomed 🙂 I think the individual lashes applied at a salon might be worth a try??? Who knows???

This is going to end one of two ways…

1. I will be back on here in a few days preaching about how great lashes are and all pics of me from here on will be avec la lashes!

2.  I will glue my eyelids together , and the next post will be by my brother having a big lol at my expense and plugging his band!


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My own results from 1 Wrap!

My own results from 1 Wrap!

Me, before and after

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